pain

there's so many questions left unanswered. maybe because you know the answers will cause me pain. why does life has to be so painful? The pain will continue on torturing me as long as you don't put a stop to it. i woke up in the middle of the night, crying. crying and thinking how can i stop this pain. and the only way to end this pain, is to end my life. i've been through so much in life, never have this idea crosses my mind. but i can't help it this time. luckily i've other things to stop me from thinking about it. staring at my baby fast asleep. what's gonna happen to him if i'm no longer around?

a night out with your friends turn out ok. but the ride was different. you used to hold my hand when we stopped at traffic lights, which make me feel so precious to you. you would care whether the wind will blow my hair till tangling. but last night, you couldn't give a damn.

is just not the same anymore. I'm no longer special to you. it is not my face or smile that you long for, but her's.

I can't find you and us in FB. We are in no relation at all. I envy those fathers who can publicly announce that their wives gave birth to their lovely baby. I envy those who can publicly show their love for their love ones. but you can't, you won't and these things don't matter to you.